


calloused hands, burdened hearts

by sureimiku



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers, but no one writes for this pairing so i had to step in, i wrote this at the most ungodliest hours at night, some light descriptions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sureimiku/pseuds/sureimiku
Summary: He couldn’t help but notice that the twenty-year-old had so much in common with him. [prompts taken from: words-amid-stars on tumblr]
Relationships: Alvin/Ludger Will Kresnik
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	calloused hands, burdened hearts

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 3am because i suddenly got a burst to finish this wip (I had it sitting since january orz). but anyways i love these two's writing and interactions so much and i actually platinumed xillia 2 a few weeks ago, so this pretty much empties my thoughts on this pairing through various prompts. i hope you enjoy ^^
> 
> link to prompts: https://otppromptlists.tumblr.com/post/158790577671/hurtcomfort-dialog-prompts

**4\. How long has it been since you slept?**

Everyone knew the night after the fractured dimension with Victor was harsh, especially with Ludger. Being hit with a call asking for a debt payment after killing your fractured self wasn’t the best thing to wake up to. 

A few days after those events, and before heading out for the next fractured dimension, Jude suggested everyone took a break for a day or two. After all, he was in that dimension too, and he clearly saw how it affected Milla and Rowen too. 

Ludger didn’t do much during his free day. It was more like, what _could_ he do? Elle was upset and didn’t want to be bothered, and he feared everyone would leave him alone when in reality he just wanted someone to talk to. Or at least empty his thoughts with, but with a lack of sleep, those thoughts ceased to exist. 

“Hey.” The ex-mercenary called to him, taking a seat next to him on the bed. “How are you holding up?”

 _A stupid question_ , Alvin thought, but he needed to start a conversation somehow. 

“I’m...still numb from everything. And especially tired.”

It had been five days since it all happened. Alvin wasn’t there so he couldn’t imagine the pain the younger man went through, but from his actions alone he could tell it hit _hard._

“Have you slept at all since then?” No response. 

“Ludger. When was the last time you properly slept,” he reinforced his statement. 

“Almost three days.” There was no point in lying. How could anyone sleep decently while the memory of literally driving a spear through _yourself_ was still fresh in your mind?

No further response. The brunette only wrapped an arm around Ludger and pulled him towards his chest. “I’ll stay here until you sleep. Or I could...lay down with you if that’s better.” 

Ludger shook his head, “I appreciate it. Thanks.” He curled up closer to Alvin, shutting his eyes and drifting off into sleep.

**5\. You’re burning up.**

Maybe taking out elite monsters in the rain wasn’t the best idea. They would be able to pay off the debt sooner, Ludger thought, but it cost him a fever the next day. 

He insisted on going out to Trigleph the next day as his wallet allowed him to choose some new gear, maybe a new pair of blades or guards. Some of the others tagged along with him to browse through some of the shops as well. 

Ludger wasn’t sure if it was the heavy atmosphere or the fever, but he found himself stumbling and almost crashing into a random passerby until a pair of hands from behind kept him in place. 

“You okay?” Alvin inquired as he observed the man he was holding, his brown eyes being met with tired turquoise ones. “Wait, don’t tell me…” 

He pressed his hand against his forehead and furrowed his brow. “You’re burning up. It’s from yesterday, isn’t it?”

“I’m fine...” Ludger protested but almost crashed again once Alvin let go. 

“Yeah, maybe try saying that without collapsing.” He didn’t wait for a response— he shifted Ludger’s weight so that he could properly get him to his home to rest. “Your health is more important. Don’t need our talented agent passing out on us, ‘kay?” 

Ludger hummed in agreement, too tired to actually vocalize a response and let himself be whisked back to his apartment. 

**8\. Because I care about you.**

Cooking somehow went absolutely awful for Alvin. He’d cut his finger while cutting onions, burned his arm on the stove, and tons of other things he didn’t want to think about. 

“You know, it wasn't a bad first attempt.” Ludger snickered, wrapping a bandage around the older man’s arm. 

“The sauce was literally black.” He sent Ludger into a laughing fit with that; it was true. He left the stove on at a high temperature and didn’t realize it until the smell of smoke filled the apartment. 

“We can try again another time, I don’t mind.” Ludger finished tending to his injuries, rising from his kneeling position. 

“Say, why do you do all this? You’re...unbelievably kind towards all of us. You even decided to trust me on the spot at Helioborg.” 

Ludger’s cheeks flushed, “well, it’s because I care about you. I decided to not judge you right there, and we didn’t get the chance to properly talk yet. Even if you used to work for Exodus, I never met that side of you. The Alvin I’m speaking to right now is the only one I know.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that, it was the first time someone acknowledged him for who he was and put aside his past of mistakes. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he replied, hiding the redness of his cheeks. 

**9\. You look sad.**

Elle requested to buy peaches from the store for who knew what reason (it was probably a commercial), so now a number of them sat at the table in Ludger’s apartment. She was absolutely delighted when her eyes laid upon the rosy-colored fruits and dug into them right away. 

“You don’t want one?” She asked Alvin, halfway through a second peach. 

“Oh, uh…” he tried to formulate a response to satisfy her, “maybe later. I just ate lunch so I’m already full.”

“Hmm, fine. I’ll save you _just_ one.” She skipped to the couch and turned on the TV to one of her favorite television programs. 

“You like peaches?” The silverette asked him, putting away the remaining dishes they used for lunch. 

“It’s more like...they’re memorable for me. My mother baked pies with them all the time and they’re my favorite food. But…” 

Alvin trailed off. He didn’t feel like dwelling on those memories because they only caused him to dig up more memories of his mother who was gone. “I just haven’t had one in a while.” 

“I’ll just have to make you one, then,” Ludger answered, seating himself next to the brunette. 

“Why would you do that?”

A pause. “Well, you looked sad about it...so I thought maybe it could cheer you up.” He smiled sympathetically at him. “I can make it on the weekend, if that’s okay.”

Alvin’s smile quivered in defeat. How Ludger was so good at reading his emotions, he would never know. “I’ll look forward to it, then.”

**11\. Oh god, you’re bleeding.**

“Mortar Fire!” The linked arte finally killed the monster, filling the woods with quietness once again. 

“Jeez, that guy sure wasn’t backing down,” Leia groaned. She was exactly right about that— they’d been thrown into trees, struck with poison, knocked to the ground—if you were Ludger then all three of those happened. 

“Let’s go bring this report back to the job board, yeah?” Alvin suggested. “I can't wait to hit the bed when we get back.”

“Yeah…” Ludger’s response was weaker compared to the other two’s. “I think I…” 

_Crash._ His body gave up on him and collided with the ground, sending Leia and Alvin in a mad dash to scan him for any other injuries. 

Ludger looked like a mess. His hair was tousled, his face had light red scratches from being thrown around, and his hands were especially rough from wielding his blades for so long.

“Wait, Leia.” He shifted Ludger onto his side, to where a large gash of crimson was spilling out. “Gods, he’s bleeding like crazy…”

Leia chanted healing spells one after another, light radiating from her fingerings and hovering over the weakened body. She made sure the two of them were properly healed throughout the fight and was certain they were okay but Ludger hadn’t told her about the injury on his side. And the worst part, she didn’t know how long he went without speaking up. 

Bright colored eyes slowly reopened, meeting with green and brown colored ones. “Why didn’t you tell me!?” Leia cried. “I was so scared when you suddenly passed out on us!”

“I...thought I would be fine without healing.” 

“But you _weren’t._ ” Alvin’s voice grew unusually stern. “You need to watch out for your health more, you hear me?”

Ludger frantically nodded, unsure of what drove Alvin up the walls so quickly. 

He just didn’t know that he didn’t want to lose someone close to him again. 

**12\. I heard you scream. Nightmares again?**

Alvin was never a heavy sleeper, either waking up at the most ungodly hours of the night or staring into the darkness for hours straight. There were times though, where he felt anxious to shut his eyes in the fear of coming across the same recurring dream of twenty years ago. 

The sight of his father falling overboard into crashing waves, the hushed assurances of his mother that everything would be okay, the other passengers with deafening screams because god, they were about to die and no one could help them. There’s a rippling of cold water against his lower body and suddenly he’s frozen, it rises higher and he’s struggling to breathe and it stings and it hurts and it—

“No!” 

The brunette jolted awake, sweat clinging to his forehead and his body visibly shaking. The blanket of the bed was on the floor now and the pillows were disarranged from thrashing around. 

A lamp flickered from the opposite side of the room, dimly lighting its surroundings. 

“Are you okay?” Ludger softly asked, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. 

“Yeah. Sorry to have woken you, I’ll be fine.”

“Nightmares?”

Alvin clenched the sheets of the bed, facing his head downwards. “I can't help it. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t care for sleeping anymore because my memories always come to haunt me.”

His face arose with question when Ludger strode over to his bed and sat next to him. “I’ll keep you company for the rest of the night, or until you sleep, if it helps. Julius used to do this too when I had bad nights.” He ended that sentence with a faint smile, to which Alvin returned. 

They must have spent hours talking with each other, because when Jude knocked to wake them up Alvin was resting on Ludger’s shoulder, resting peacefully for the first time in days. 

**13\. Hey, just look at me. Breathe.**

He’s shaking. 

Shaken not just because Elle had almost been kidnapped, but because he allowed it to happen right under his fingertips. All it took was a few minutes of keeping the little girl off his eyes and now she was trembling, from the few minutes of struggling in a stranger’s grasp. 

Jude tried to step in to comfort him. “It’s not your fault—“

“It _is,_ Jude. I...I was careless and she could’ve been almost killed…” That might have been the most frightened Ludger had sounded since they met. He sunk to the inn floor and found himself trying to not break down in front of all his companions. It was hideous, his mind told him. 

Julius was right. He wasn’t suited for any of this and should have handed her to someone else for safety. So much for a twenty-year-old holding the responsibility of an eight-year-old, a twenty million gald debt, _and_ retrieving waymarkers at the same time. 

“Ludger.”

The calling of his name didn’t reach him, buried underneath gasps for air from crying and going numb from the stress piling up inside him. 

“Ludger!”

He finally looked up, eyes red and cheeks stained with tears. 

“Look at me. It’s okay. _Breathe._ Elle is okay and I swear to you I won’t let anything happen to her again.”

Tired, turquoise eyes met Alvin’s gaze. A sigh, “I should have kept an eye on her too. Don’t blame everything on yourself. You don’t have to carry the burden all by yourself, and I think everyone can agree with that.” 

Ludger finally nodded, calming himself down to properly apologize. Stable enough to stand on his own knees again he faced his friends in front of him. “I’m sorry. Everything just crashed at once and I couldn’t get a proper hold of my emotions.” With a final wipe away of tears, he moved towards the direction of the younger girl’s room. “I’m going to check on Elle. I think she needs comfort, especially from me.”

**16\. Stop telling me you’re okay.**

Meeting Presa again was just another shot through Alvin’s heart. He could say he knew this was coming since Leia had crossed paths with Agria and Gaius with Wingul once again. 

So why did he still feel pulled at the heartstrings? He thought he’d pushed away any lingering feelings he had for the woman, but seeing him _engaged_ to her just brought all the pain back. 

No one, not even Elle could bring up the courage to ask if Alvin was fine. It was just, how do you start to comfort a man whose emotions are usually so well protected that you don’t expect them to break? 

Before any of them could ask, he hit them with the usual “I’m fine, I’ll go deliver our report.” He was about to leave the group when Ludger grasped his wrist: “Stop lying to us. You _always_ push people away when things aren’t okay. Can’t we— can’t _I_ help out for once?” 

Alvin was going to retort back that it was a long story but Ludger added on, “Leia told me what happened between you two.” 

Ah, of course someone was going to spill it out one day. That the witty, laid-back merchant actually had a painful past that included dead parents, companions, and even a lover. And he definitely did not want to add anyone else to that list. 

“At least let me come with you to deliver the report, okay?” Leia gestured to the two of them to head out without her, she claimed to have some sort of “business” while they were in Fennmont. 

Alvin sighed before giving in. “Sure. Let’s get going then, and maybe get some grub while we’re at it. I think a certain little lady would appreciate that.”

The young girl grinned at him, the first she’d smiled since they returned— no, since they entered the fractured dimension. She babbled off, listing places they could stop at to eat. 

God, Alvin wouldn’t know what to do if he lost these two. 

**20\. I could just use a hug**

The seahaven at night was empty, lacking its usual commotion because of what had transpired hours earlier. 

No one except the man who just killed his brother sat on the cold stone, swimming in his pool of sadness. This was _his_ problem and his _alone_. No one should have to share the burden, he thought. 

The events of earlier whirled past him: clashing swords with the only family he had left, driving his spear into him, being spoken to by his companions in an attempt to comfort him. 

Ludger stopped there. He knew if he continued to dwell on this, it would hurt him even more. 

He was about to start another round of crying but the sound of footsteps drawing closer froze him in place. 

“Mind if I sit here?” The familiar voice of the twenty-seven-year-old asked. Ludger didn’t verbalize a reply but acknowledged his question by making space for him. The air was now full of the scents of sea salt and lingering cologne, only causing his mind to dig up more memories of Julius. The first time he’d been to a seahaven with his brother, it was the first actual outdoors experience Ludger had because before that he’d been isolated inside for safety. 

He wished he could have visited it with his brother one more time. He would’ve done anything to have one more day together with Julius, but the dead didn’t come back. 

Alvin’s voice broke his train of thoughts again. “I know you probably want to be alone, but…” 

Shifting to face Ludger, “if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here. I know the pain of losing someone too well and at times like these, I think having someone there for you is the best way to move on.” 

The brunette thought his attempt at trying to console Ludger was absolutely shitty, but the sudden digging of fingers into his back and hushed apologies proved that wrong. So he embraced him in return and just..sat there. The water crashing against the port did well to hide the sound of sobs against his chest, but Alvin really didn’t mind. He knew the tears weren’t for only Julius but also Milla, Elle, and Victor. 

He let the younger man cling to him for the rest of the night. Even if it meant he’d be starting the day with barely any sleep and a tear-stained jacket, it was the least he could do. 


End file.
